when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
