I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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