trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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