i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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