I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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