she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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