Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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