Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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