She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
