I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize