You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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