It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
