the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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