I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
