I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
