So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
