i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
