I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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