what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
