there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
