Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
