I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
