i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
