I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
