I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
