did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
