i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
