I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
