I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My pussy is not your playground.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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