I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize