I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
