So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize