No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
