please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
