Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
