yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
