Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
