You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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