I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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