Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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