windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
