fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
