Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The cops high fived after they tackled you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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