Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
