i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
don't judge my taste in strippers
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
