I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize