I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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