My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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