When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
