all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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