Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
