Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
