I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
