Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
