Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
