First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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