the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
