On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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