Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
