glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
