i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
