I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
