so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
