u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
