so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
